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| Posted by Meg B on 10-Aug-2005 | TrainingA mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new
electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop, and her son said,
"All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause
this is the last stop! And all you sons of bitches who are returning and want to
get on, get your asses on the train now, cause we're going down the tracks!"
The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind
of language in this house. Now go to you room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When
you come out, you may go back and play with your train, but only if you use nice
language."
Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his
train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say "All passengers
who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of you belongings
with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a
pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She hears the little boy continue. "For those of you just boarding, we ask you
to stow all of your hand luggage under you seat. Remember, there is no smoking
on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us
today."
Then, the child added, "And for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO
HOUR DELAY, see the bitch in the kitchen."
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| Posted by aurie whatsyourproblem on 10-Aug-2005 | Dad Pays Surprise Visit...The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business
trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy.
Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door.
After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second
floor window. "Whaddya want?"
"Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father.
???? Yeah!" replied the voice. "Dump him on the front porch and we'll take care
of him in the morning."
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| Posted by Tr Howes on 10-Aug-2005 | Is That Because Mama?There was this little black kid in the 2nd grade and on the first day of
school they were doing math. When he got home his mom asked how his day was, and
he replied,??? I didn't like it mama we did math today, and I didn't do well.
Every one was smarter than me mama. Why is that mama?" His mom then replied,
"That's because you're black son." The next day he went back to school they were
doing spelling. When he got home his mom asked how his day was, and he replied,???
I didn't like it mama we did math today, and I didn't do well. Every one was
smarter than me mama. Why is that mama?" His mom then replied, "That's because
you're black son." The next day at school they had gym and he could run faster,
jump higher, and when they went to the restrooms and he had a bigger dick than
every one else. When he got home his mom asked how his day was, and he replied,
"I had so much fun mama, we had gym today and I could run faster, jump higher
and when I went to the bathroom my dick was longer than everyone??™s. Is that
because I'm black mama?" His mom replied, "No son that's because you're 18.
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| Posted by Cow Man on 10-Aug-2005 | SpellingIf GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbor
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO should be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU!
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| Posted by Nicole T on 10-Aug-2005 | If a Dog were your Teacher...If a Dog were your teacher, you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a car ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
ecstasy.
As you enjoy the wind in your face, do not restrict your capacity to drool.
When it's in your best interest -- practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily, if not by the minute.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the cool grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a tree.
When you take a drink of water, find a human to drip the extra on.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often or severely you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing
and pout...run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joys of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Don't stop when you've had enough.
Be loyal.
Tolerate cats -- humans love that.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it, where ever that leads
you.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle him or
her gently.
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| Posted by Emily W. on 10-Aug-2005 | On the RangeA female newscaster is interviewing the leader of a youth club:
Interviewer: "So, Mr. Jones, what are you going to do with these children on
this adventure holiday?"
Mr. Jones: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and
shooting."
Interviewer: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
Mr. Jones: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the range."
Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be
teaching children?"
Mr. Jones: "I don't see how, we will be teaching them proper range discipline
before they even touch a firearm."
Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
Mr. Jones: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute but you're not one, are
you?"
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