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():bar jokes (2610): Troubleshooting your bar or pub |
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| Posted by E- D on 08-Aug-2005 | Troubleshooting your bar or pubA solution to all of your drinking troubles
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Bar swaying.
Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress.
Solution: Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.
Symptom: The opposite wall is covered in ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.
Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.
Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution: Check your watch to see if its opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.
Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: The pub is closing.
Solution: Panic.
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2 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Vince Joebob on 13-Aug-2005 | Ya maya ma is so fat god said let there be light so she rolle
d over
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16 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by lucas moore on 13-Aug-2005 | BarbitchuateA bear walks in to the bar and asks the bartender serve me a drink the bartender says no.the bear ask why? the bartender says we dont serve to bears! the bear gets outraged and starts tearin down the bar and eats a woman and leaves. The next day the bear comes back and tells the bartender to serve him a drink or the samething will happen that happen yesterday and the bartender says I told you we dont serve to bears or drug addicts! the bear says drug addict im not a drug addict!the bartender says what about the BAR BITCH YOU ATE! KEEP IN MIND A BARBITCUATE IS A DRUG
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7 people have rated this joke: |
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():bar jokes (2610): yo mamas pussy is so fishy she went to sea... |
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| Posted by heids on 13-Aug-2005 | yo mamas pussy is so fishy she went to sea...yo mamas pussy is so fishy she went to sea world and thay said no experts
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4 people have rated this joke: |
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():bar jokes (2610): A dyslexic walks into a bra... |
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| Posted by Hallie S. Comet on 08-Aug-2005 | A dyslexic walks into a bra...It'll hit you in a minute.
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Adrian on 13-Aug-2005 | Maorihow to get a maori in a bath?put five cents in how do you get a maori out of the bath put soap in.
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57 people have rated this joke: |
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