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| Posted by MOS on 14-Aug-2005 | TupeeAn airstewardess was attending to passengers on an aircraft one day when a
lady approached her looking very angry.
"Excuse me," said the lady, "but I would like to make a complaint!"
"Yes maam?" the stewardess replied.
"I was taking a nap just now when i felt somebody tugging at my panties
and touching my pussy. Tried as i might but I still couldn't find the
culprit !".
The stewardess thought that the lady was trying to play a prank and didn't
take her seriously. Nevertheless, she told the lady that she would look
into the matter straight away.
As she continued serving the passengers, another woman approached her with
the same story. Perplexed, she decided to investigate.
While making her way to the back of the aircraft, she chanced upon an old
man crawling on the floor as though searching for something.
"Excuse me, sir, can I help you?", she said.
" Yes please, my dear lady", he replied. "You see, I am blind, and as luck
would have it, I seemed to have lost my tupee. Could you help me find it?"
"What kind of a tupee, sir?"
"Well, it's kind of small and parted at the side. Twice I thought I had
found it but those were parted at the center."
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| Posted by Mulder lover (I'm Scully) on 14-Aug-2005 | What time is it?A couple was on vacation when they realized they had left their watches at
the hotel. They saw a man resting with his donkey and asked him if he knew
what time it was. The man looked up and grabbed the donkeys balls, lifted
them up and said, "Well it looks like it's 2:10 in the afternoon." The
couple amazed at the mans ability to tell time by lifting the donkeys
balls, asked, "How can you tell time by lifting the donkeys balls?" The
man said, "It's very easy, first you lift the donkeys balls like this," he
then lifted them as the couple watched. "O.K" The man said, "Now you can
see the clock on the wall over there."
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| Posted by Salman S. Dossa on 14-Aug-2005 | Hungry?There were two guys who needed a place to stay, so they came to
a farmer's house. The farmer agreed to let them stay as long as
they didn't eat his vegetables and fruits. During the night, the
men got hungry and decided to sneak out anyway and get a bite to
eat from his garden. In the morning, the farmer knew what they
had done.
"I'll punish you," he promised. "Now, both of you go get
one hundred of your favorite fruit or vegetable out of the
garden and then come back." One of the men came back first, and
he had picked one hundred grapes. Then the farmer told him,"OK,
now shove one up your nose." The man did. "Now another." The man
started to protest, but the farmer pulled out a gun. "Put it
up!!" shouted the farmer. The man did, and then chuckled to
himself. "ANOTHER!" the man chuckled, and then did again. After
about five miniutes of this, the farmer had it. "Why are you
laughing?" he asked. The guy replied, "Man, my buddy's out there
picking watermelons!"
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| Posted by Elizabeth on 14-Aug-2005 | 10 fun things to do at an airport or on an airplan1. In the bathroom make paper airplanes and throw them into
stalls.
2. Say your in Northwest ask the lady at the front desk if this
is Southwest.
3. Whisper quietly but loud enough for someone else to hear
you, "Do you think we should blow up the plane now?"
4. Ask at the front desk if she could call someone up there
named "bea reject."
5. If your in the back get up every minute and knock on the
bathroom door and say, "Hey you having fun?"
6. Accidentally when you reach for the overhead compartment let
your bag fall out onto someone's head.
7. Keep telling the steward in a French voice do you have any
Grey Poupon.
8. Pretend to sing along but sing something stupid like "ketchup
and mustard are yummy on bread" or "saggy butt cheeks saggy saggy
butt cheeks."
9. Halfway through the flight go up to the pilots and say, "I
think I left my coat at the airport could we turn around?"
10. Sit in the back and when people walk by stick your foot out.
11. (bonus) got to the bathroom and stay in there the whole
flight making sex noises.
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| Posted by DIRRTYbarbie on 14-Aug-2005 | Things to Do on an Airplane- When the flight attendant asks you if you would like some
peanuts, say, "Whoa! slow down there! we barely know each other!"
- Yell "Fire in the hole!"
- Ring for the flight attendant and then ask "are we there yet?"
- When it's sleeping time, after a while, see if you can go to
every row and open up the windows.
- Call for an all-out food fight and see if you can get people
to join in.
- When eating, ask the stranger next to you, "Are you gonna eat
that?"
- Before going to the bathroom, ask the flight attendant if the
bathroom is (make up a word) like "is this bathroom
intersaniable?" Or "is this bathroom non malapated?"
- When watching the movie, change the sound channels of the
stranger next to you without him noticing.
- Yell "There's something on the wing!!!"
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| Posted by Meagan Fisher on 14-Aug-2005 | Fun Things To Do On An Airplane1. Hit the stewardess button and tell her that your friend next
to you is having a baby. Have your friend make all sorts of
noises. (Works especially well, if your friend is a guy)
2. Take the telephone out of its holder and attempt to strangle
the person sitting in front of you.
3. Hit the stewardess button as many times as possible and when
she comes, blame it on your stuffed animal. Say he gets
hyperactive riding on airplanes and does mischievious stuff.
4. Use the Call Button to ask the flight attendent on a date.
5. When the flight attendent comes around for drinks, request
food. When they ask what meal you would like, ask for a drink.
6. When you get your meal/peanuts or whatever, dump it in the
persons hair in front of you
7. Before you get on the plane go to the Sky Cap and ask them if
you can deliver this bag to Chicago, this one to Detroit, and
this one to Atlanta. If he says no, say, "Why not, you did it
last time."
8. Have extremely loud conversations on which Olsen twin is more
talented
9. If sitting next to someone you don't know attempt to stick
q-tips in various parts of the body (i.e. ears, nose, don't get
too excited)
10. Bring on a CD Player and the Soundtrack to Saturday Night
Feaver. Dance until physically restrained.
11. Hold a Sing-A-Long.
12. Look out the window and point at stuff, claim you know that
person.
13. When they serve you your food ask them what it is and tell
them it dosen't look edible. (most of the time the stewerdess
will agree with you)
14. Bring a live chicken on board. When you are given your food,
hide it and put the chicken on trey table. Press the call
button, and say your dinner needs to be cooked more.
15. Put your stuffed animal in the barf bag and say it found a
new home
16. Take off your trey table, and hand it to the person in front
of you.
17. If you are sitting at least 2 seats away from the aisle, get
up every 5 minutes to go to the bathroom. If questioned say. I
think the gum is getting to me.
18. Pull down the oxygen masks and place all three on your head
at once.
19. Bring 2 Lobsters on the Plane. Paint Numbers on the back,
and race them down the aisle. See how many people you can get to
bet on this race. Have a board stating odds.
20. Bring a sock puppet on board, and communicate with everyone
with it. (please note, this works better with people older then
4) If someone questions the words of the sock explain to them
that they have affended the sock king and will be attacked by a
giant ball of lint.
21. Clip your toe nails
22. Play with the lights for about an hour. If someone asks say
your making strobe lights.
23. Select captains and play a game of tackle football in the
aisle.
24. Two Words: Strip Poker
25. Bring on board Spam and a hot plate. Cook the spam and offer
it to other passengers.
26. When the lady comes and asks you for a drink say "Vodka
Martini shaken not stired" and when she says your not old enough
shout and scream and pound your tray until you make such a
racket that she gives in.
27. Play a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos
28. Attempt to get on the PA and start a game of Simon Says
29. Demand that you get both the arm rests and shove the persons
arm off.
30. Every few minutes press the call button and ask the
steward/stewardess "Are we there yet?"
31. When you first get on, take the empty seat next to you and
pretend your invisible friend is there. When someone trys to sit
there scream and fuss and say they can't sit on Joe.
32. When the pilot comes over the PA system cower in fear and
scream, "It's those voices again!"
33. When you notice someone getting up to go to the bathroom,
immidiately jump out of your seat, run down the aisle, push the
person out of the way and bolt into the bathroom, stay in the
bathroom for at least 1/2 an hour.
34. When the flight attendent gives you there drink list ask
them for drinks not on the list, keep this up for at least 10
minutes.
35. If you_re on a plane that is showing a movie, find the VCR,
and put in a porn movie, this works particularly well when you
know the first movie would be one that younger children would
like.
36. Bring a trombone on board, while playing it, attempt to hit
as many people as possible with the slide of the trombone, then
yell at them for getting in your way.
37. Using a fishing rod attempt to catch other people's dinner
off their trey table.
38. When sitting in first class ask for a big meal. Leave the
meal alone, and just eat the napkin, when the flight attendent
comes back to check on you, say the forgot your napkin. When
they come back with a new napkin, eat that one as well, keep
this up for the remainder of the flight, making sure not to eat
any of the food that they gave you.
39. When traveling through clouds, open an umbrella. When
experiencing Turbulence scream "Earthquake!" Then run into the
cock pit and hide.
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