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| Posted by Chuckler on 11-Aug-2005 | Turkey Shot Out of the Oven...Turkey Shot Out of the Oven...
The turkey shot out of the oven
The turkey shot out of the oven
And rocketed into the air,
It knocked every plate off the table
And partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
And burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
Completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
It totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
Where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance,
It smeared every saucer and bowl,
There wasn't a way I could stop it,
That turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
And thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I'd never again stuff a turkey
With popcorn that hadn't been popped.
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by BabyLissa on 11-Aug-2005 | Ebonics X-masAn Ebonics X-mas The Night Befo' Crizmus
Wuz da night befo Crizmus An all thru da hood Everybody be sleepin' Dey was sleepin real good
We hunged up our stockins An hoped like all heck Dat 'ol Sanny Claws Gonna brang us our check
All of da fambly Wuz layin in beds While Thunderbird wine Danced thru dere heds
I dun passed out on ze flo' Right nex to my maw When I heared such a fuss I thunk - it mus be da law
I looked out thru da bars What could I now do I was spectin the sherrif With a warrent for sho'
And what did I see Made me say, "Lawd look at dat" Dere was a huge watahmelon Pulled by 8 big ass rats
Now ober all da years Sanny Claws he be white But it looks like us bros Get a black Sanny tonite
Faster dan a po lice car My homeboy he came He whupped up on dem rats As he called dem be name
On Leroy, On Roosevelt On Virvus, On Willie On Yolanda, On Crayola On Kiesha, and Nefrotilly
An 'ol Sanny landed dat watahmelon Out dere in da street I knowed it fo shu Da damnest ting I eber did seed
Dat black Sanny didn't go down no chimbly He picked da lock on my do' An I sez to myeslf "Shit - He dis befo'
He had did big bag Full of prezents I speck Wif Air Jordans and fake gold To wear roun my nek
But he left no prezents Jus started stealin my shit Got my guns, got my crack Eben my burgler's kit
Wit my shit in his bag Out da windo he flew I sho woulda chased him But he got my knife too
He jumped on dat watahmelon Wit out a hitch He wuz gone in a second That son of a bitch
So nex year I be hopin' A white Sanny we git 'Cause a black Sanny Claws Jus ain't worf a shit!
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():holiday jokes (333): Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions... |
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| Posted by Liz M. Whitt on 09-Aug-2005 | Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions...
Maxine's Top Ten New Years Resolutions
Skip exercise every day instead of just three times a week.
Call one of my relatives every day. Call one a doofus, call one a bonehead,
call one a jerkwood, call one a...
Go to the park more often to feed the pigeons...to the cat.
Stop eating so much high-fat fast food and eat more high-fat home cooking.
Expand my horizons with travel. In other words, use the upstairs bathroom
more.
Reread all my favorite novels. And this time read the whole book, not just
the steamy underlined parts.
Force myself to stop watching so much trashy TV. Rent trashy movies instead.
Teach Floyd a new trick, and remember to rotate which neighbors yard he does
it in.
Clean the house more often. Once a millennium just isn't enough.
And my Number One New Years Resolution:
Only moon people who absolutely, one hundred percent deserve it. So that's
still pretty much everybody.
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| Posted by Bradley H. Stanley on 09-Aug-2005 | The Australian ChristmasHere comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh
Never have a white Christmas
When you in Melbourne live
Wearing hot pants on the beach
When you your presents give
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Sweating his fat away
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Water-skis on his sleigh
Chestnuts roasting on the sidewalk
Castles in the sand
Eating ice-cream, having good talks
Warm Christmas, isn't that grand?
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| Posted by Sam Patrick on 14-Aug-2005 | How Do Sheeps Say Merry Christmas?How do sheeps in Mexico said Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad.
(Feliz Navidad)
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| Posted by WhlteFlre on 14-Aug-2005 | Santa's Pick Up Lines* I know when you've been bad or good, so let's skip the small talk,
sister!
* Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
* Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
* Some of my best toys run on batteries...
* I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do
you?
* Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "nice AND naughty" list!
* Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
* That's not a candy cane in my pocket, honey. I'm just glad to see you!
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1 people have rated this joke: |
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