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| Posted by Demitry Dorfman on 09-Aug-2005 | TurkeyA lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Kevin J. Hall on 09-Aug-2005 | Beckham illAlex Ferguson is on his way to training one morning and, as usual, stops by David Beckham's house to give him a lift.
He knocks at the door, only for it to be answered by a pale and drawn looking Beckham.
"Och, David. Your no looking too good this morning."
"For sure, Mr. Ferguson, I am under the weather."
"Ah no worries, you can have the day off today. Is there anythin' I can get youse?"
David asks Alex for some groceries and off Fergie goes to the cliff.
On his way home he stops off at Tescos and who should he bump into but Gerard Houllier.
"A-ha, monsoir Ferguson. What are you doing 'ere?" asks the Liverpool boss.
"I've just got these here carrots for David Beckham"
"Ah, monsoir Ferguson. You are indeed an exceptional businessman!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Peter A. Gelinas on 09-Aug-2005 | Message to SaddamOne evening Saddam decides to visit his most intelligent wife, opens the bedroom door, and finds her studying.
"Ah," he says, "she must be studying for that history exam."
So he strolls through the palace to the bedroom of the wife who is the best cook, opens the door, and sees her plucking this large bird.
"In the name of Allah, get the kitchen staff to do that for you next time!"
He then decides to go to the wife who is the best lover, opens her bedroom door, and is shocked to see instead 2 camels screwing.
Furious, Saddam confronts the palace harem manager. "What is the meaning of this?" he shouts at the manager.
The manager replies, "Don't you see what your wives are telling you? Saddam, you're history you stupid turkey, and you better get on the first fucking camel out of town!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by snoop dogg on 09-Aug-2005 | Didn't mean too!It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the elephants decided to challenge the ants to a game of soccer.
The game was going well with the elephants beating the ants ten goals to nil, when the ants gained possession.
The ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the elephants' goal when the elephants' left back came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.
The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"
The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by TreeFrog on 09-Aug-2005 | Star Wars ChristmasDarth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... lightsabers drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!"
Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platfrom just out of Vader's reach, "How do you know?"
Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas?"
Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."
Submited by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by PattiebOy on 09-Aug-2005 | Have you ever seen..Have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic?
Just look at your drivers license!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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