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| Posted by Jay Knite on 08-Aug-2005 | Turn to stoneLittle Johnny and his friend Little George walk in the woods and see a naked girl. Little George says, "Don't look at the naked girl because my dad said that if you look at naked girls, you will turn into stone. Little Johnny said, "Too late. I'm already getting hard."
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| Posted by Mickey Kirksey on 09-Aug-2005 | Worm in a holeA little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.
The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."
The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.
The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.
The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."
The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Satin C on 12-Aug-2005 | She Wants What He HasEvery day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girls house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says "See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!" The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.
The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah". The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have them!"
Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most private of parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"
The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?" So she pulls up her dress and says...
"My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"
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| Posted by alison robichaux on 09-Aug-2005 | Playing trainsA mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying,
'All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop. And all you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your arses in the train, 'cause we're going down the tracks.'
The horrified mother went in and told her son,
'We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.'
She hears the little boy continue
'For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added,
'For those of you who are pissed off about the two-hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.'
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| Posted by laken thompson on 09-Aug-2005 | Winnie the pooThe kindergarten kids had graduated to the infant class. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten.
She told them to use grown-up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer.
The first little one said he went to see his Nana.
The teacher said, 'No, no, you went to see your grandmother. Use the grown-up word.'
The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo-choo. The teacher again said, 'No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown-up word.'
Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and, in a very adult way, replied, 'Winnie the Shit.'
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| Posted by Sam Malone on 09-Aug-2005 | Turned to stoneThree boys are playing outside just after dark, when one of them noticed a light on in a window.
Billy says to Johnnie and Joey: "Let's take a peek!" They look in the window and see a pretty woman undressing. Suddenly, Johnnie runs away and the other boys can't find him.
The next day, Billy and Joey see Johnnie and ask: "Why'd you run away, you some kind of faggot or something?"
Johnnie replies: "No...My mother told me that if I ever do anything naughty, say anything naughty or even LOOK at anything naughty, God would turn me into stone. Well, when I looked in that window I started to get hard, so I ran away!"
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