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():school humor (1428): Vat a country!


Posted by Goldberg Exterminator on 13-Aug-2005

Vat a country!

A father, visiting America, from Europe for the very first time, goes up and down the isles with his son at the local Giant Food Store.

"Vas diss? Powdered Orange Juice?"

"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh 'orange juice.'" ... A few minutes later, in a different aisle ... "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?? "

"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" ... A few minutes later, in a different aisle ... "Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!"


   

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():school humor (1428): It's so hot in Arizona...


Posted by Ken Jackowitz on 13-Aug-2005

It's so hot in Arizona...

...the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.

...farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

...the cows are giving evaporated milk.

...you can say 113 degrees without fainting.

...you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

...you can make instant sun tea.

...you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

...the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

...you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

...you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

...you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

...hot water now comes out of both taps.

...it's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

...you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

...no one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.


   

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():school humor (1428): Little Johnny at the Beauty Parlor


Posted by Old Man Mystery on 13-Aug-2005

Little Johnny at the Beauty Parlor

Little Johnny's father decided it was time for 14-year-old Little Johnny, to learn the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor.

He introduces Little Johnny to the madam, and explains that it's time for his indoctrination to sex. The madam says, "You've been such a good customer over the years, I'm going to see to this personally."

So she takes Little Johnny by the hand and leads him upstairs, where she completes his deflowering. Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says, "Since this is your first time, I'm going to see that you get the full treatment before you leave. I'm going to give you a manicure."

Two weeks later Little Johnny and his father run into the madam on the main street. Little Johnny is acting a little shy, so the madam smiles and says, "Well, Little Johnny, don't you remember me?"

"Yes, Ma'am, " Little Johnny stammers, "you're the lady that gave me the crabs and then cut off my fingernails so I couldn't scratch 'em."


   

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():school humor (1428): The Kids, The Bike and the Fridge


Posted by Prankster (Jake) on 13-Aug-2005

The Kids, The Bike and the Fridge

Q. Why did the kid fall off his bike?

A. Because someone threw a fridge at him.


   

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():school humor (1428): Here is another one??¦


Posted by Justin Babineau on 13-Aug-2005
Here is another one??¦
Q. Whats big and yellow and falls out of trees?

A. Bulldozers


   

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():school humor (1428): Sorry, but I didn't write these.


Posted by RAVE KING on 13-Aug-2005
Sorry, but I didn't write these.
Q) Did you hear that 2 antennae got married?
A) The ceremony wasn't much, but the RECEPTION was great.

Q) How did the telephones get married?
A) In a double ring ceremony!

Q) What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A) Cliff!

Q) Where do Eskimos keep their money?
A) Snow banks!

Q) What gets wetter as it dries?
A) A towel!

Q) What lies on the ground one hundred feet in the air?
A) A sunbathing centipede.


   

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