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| Posted by Justin R. Timberlake on 09-Aug-2005 | VietnamThe prime minister of Vietnam met with President Bush at the White House.
As you know, Vietnam is a communist country so there is no democracy, there is no freedom, but don't worry, there is no oil either so we won't be going back.
-Jay Leno
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| Posted by Brandon C. Mclean on 09-Aug-2005 | Fat-ass JohnsonBuddy Hackett was recently reliving his days as soldier assigned to a motor pool unit. One day he answered the phone.
"Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" the voice commanded.
"Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half-dozen half-tracks, two armoured personnel carriers, couple of motorcycles, and Fat-Ass Johnson's command Jeep, sir."
"Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?"
"No, sir."
"This is Major Johnson, your commander!"
"Uh, sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?"
"No, I do not!"
"That's good. Goodbye, Fat-Ass!"
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| Posted by Mark J. Houlihan on 09-Aug-2005 | Sex for DummiesAt a bookstore the other day, I saw a book entitled "Sex for Dummies".
Why would someone want to teach dumb people how to reproduce? Aren't there enough of them on the roads now?
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| Posted by Salma DeLuna on 09-Aug-2005 | New PopemobilePope Benedict has moved into the Vatican apartment once used by John Paul.
A German pope will be different from anything we've seen.
To begin with, the new popemobile will have a top speed of one hundred ninety miles an hour on the Autobahn.
-Argus Hamilton
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| Posted by ~Stephy~ on 09-Aug-2005 | TorpedoDuring World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable.
So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something - at least they would die laughing.
The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick against the table?"
The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his dick out and whammed it on the table.
Just when the dick hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the navigator.
As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator, "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?" The navigator told him.
The captain replied, "Well, you better be careful with that dick of yours. The torpedo missed!"
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| Posted by Rob L. Matthews on 09-Aug-2005 | Arguing about the signA man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?
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