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| Posted by Erika Koskela on 09-Aug-2005 | Wanna Tie?A man was crawling across the Desert dying of thirst, when a camel raced up and stopped, and an Arab jumped down opened a suitcase and said, "Would you like to buy a tie?"
"No" said the man, "I need water, do you have water?"
"No" said the Arab, "but I do have a wonderful selection of ties."
"I don't want a tie !, I want water!" the man protested. The Arab rode off, and the unfortunate man continued crawling across the hot sand until he came to a beautiful Hotel. He crawled up the steps, crying "Water! Water!"
The Manager approached him and said, "I'm sorry Sir, you can't come in here without a Tie !!"
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| Posted by Ruth S. Ludlum on 09-Aug-2005 | Father's AshesA guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says, "What's this?"
"Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
"Jeez...oooh....I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
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| Posted by TruPatriot on 09-Aug-2005 | Whisky and WormsA professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?"
the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
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| Posted by FunnyMe on 09-Aug-2005 | MarksmenParson Smith paid a visit to the Baldwin home. while he was there, he noticed targets everywhere he looked. On the barn, on the trees, on the well, and on the scarecrow. Incredibly, each one of the targets had a bullet hole right in the centre.
"Wow!" exclaimed the parson, "who's the marksman around here?"
"I am", said nine year old Billy Baldwin.
"That's Amazing, gushed the parson.
"How can anyone be so perfect?"
"Oh, that's easy."
said Billy, "I just drew circles around the bullet holes later."
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| Posted by J Harry on 09-Aug-2005 | Bus Load of PoliticiA bus load of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a load of holes and buried all the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
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| Posted by Jade Cat on 09-Aug-2005 | Superman SexOne day Superman was flying though the air and was thinking, "Man I gotta get laid," he said to himself. Just then he saw Wonderwoman laying nude on the beach. So he thought up a plan.
"I'll fly down there, fuck her real fast, fly away, and she'll never know what hit her," So he flew down real fast, pumped a couple of times and flew off.
Then Wonderwoman sat up and said, "What in the hell was that."
Then the invisible man sat up and said, "I don't know but my ass sure hurts."
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