|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Gary E. Suter on 14-Aug-2005 | WatchJake is struggling through an airport terminal with two huge and
obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and
asks: "Have you got the time?"
Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist.
"It's a quarter to six", he says.
"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger.
Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out..."
And he shows him a time zone display not just for every time
zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolis. He hits a
few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The
time is eleven till six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more
buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Jake
continues, "I've put in regional accents for each city. The
display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply
astounding." The stranger is struck dumb with admiration.
"That's not all...", says Jake. He pushes a few more buttons and
a tiny but very hi-resolution map of New York City appears on
the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite
positioning", explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and
the display changes to show eastern New York state.
"I want to buy this watch!" Says the stranger.
"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the
bugs," says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to
demonstrate. "The watch is also a very creditable little FM
radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can
measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper
printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice
recordings of up to 300 standard-size books, though I only have
32 of my favorites in there so far." Says Jake.
"I've got to have this watch!" Says the stranger.
"No, you don't understand; it's not ready."
"I'll give you $1000 for it!"
"Oh, no, I've already spent more than..."
"I'll give you $5000 for it!"
"But it's just not..."
"I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a
checkbook.
Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8,500 into materials
and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and
have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger
frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of
him.
"Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000.
Take it or leave it."
Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK", he says, and peels off
the watch and hands it to the stranger.
They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away.
"Hey, wait a minute." Calls Jake after the stranger, who turns
around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he had been
trying to wrestle through the terminal. "Don't forget your
batteries."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Suki on 14-Aug-2005 | The TripA new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time.
He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a
whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the
local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track
and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already
packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone
out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting
next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his
hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood
up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man
sat down, he sat down. When the man held the cup and bread for
the Lord's Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the
preaching, the recruit didn't understand a thing. He just sat
there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.
Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements.
People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He
was, and so the recruit clapped too. Then the preacher said some
words that he didn't understand and he saw the man next to him
stand up. So he stood up too. Suddenly a hush fell over the
entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and
saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down.
After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking
the hands of those who were leaving. When the missionary recruit
stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said,
in English: "I take it you don't speak Spanish."
The missionary recruit replied: "No I don't. It's that obvious?"
"Well yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta
family had a newborn baby boy and would the proud father please
stand up."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Mark M on 09-Aug-2005 | Plane from ChicagoUnaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a plane to Chicago.
"The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.," a ticket agent said, "and arrives in Chicago at 1:01 p.m."
"Would you repeat that, please?" Bob asked.
The agent did so and then inquired, "Do you want a reservation?"
"No," said Bob, "But I think I'll hang around and watch that thing take off."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Jake Russell on 09-Aug-2005 | Airline ShuffleDuring the "rush hour" at Houston's Hobby Airport, my flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. We were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us.
After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as we were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement, "We apologize for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should 'deplane' at this time."
A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags. "Sorry," he said, "wrong plane."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Wendy J. Essinger on 09-Aug-2005 | Air Traffic Control2During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned right on 'Delta'. Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right".
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??"
Naturally, the 'ground control' frequency went terribly silent until an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Tyler Reese on 09-Aug-2005 | Air TrafficControlThe controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just a little to high... San Jose Tower: "American 751 Heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7" Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way, as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7... did you copy the report from Eastern?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
