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what do you call a donkey with no legs...

what do you call a donkey with no legs
an:WONKEY!

2 people have rated this joke:

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	():animal jokes (1719): Gwapes

Posted by shawn Nibble on 13-Aug-2005

Gwapes

A duck walks into a store and walks up to the clerk behind the counter,the clerk says "May I help you?" "Got any gwapes?" says the duck. "No I am sorry." Says the clerk. So the duck leaves and comes back the next day and to the same clerk says "Got any gwapes?" "No!" says the clerk "We still do not have any grapes"So the duck goes home and the next day comes back and once again they do not have grapes!So the clerk in frustration says"Look we do not and will not have any grapes if you come back and ask me again i will staple your mouth shut and staple your feet to the ground!"So the next day the duck comes back and goes to the same clerk and says "Got any staples?" "No." Says the clerk "Good!" Says the duck "Got any gwapes?"

2 people have rated this joke:

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	():animal jokes (1719): Talking Duck

Posted by Dan B. Jamison on 13-Aug-2005

Talking Duck

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the bartender.

"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich, please?"

"Certainly," says the bartender, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.

So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender tells him about the incredible talking duck.

"Marvellous!" says the ringleader, "get him to come see me."

So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus" says the bartender.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.

"That's right," replies the bartender.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the bartender.

The duck looks confused and asks: "What the fuck do they want with a plasterer?"

4 people have rated this joke:

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	():animal jokes (1719): Man's Best Friend

Posted by Paul C. Rudge on 14-Aug-2005

Man's Best Friend

A guy comes home from work and as soon as he closes the door he hears his bed squeaking. He walks up the stairs and into the bedroom and finds his wife on top screwing his best friend. In a fit of rage, the guy goes and gets his gun and shoots his wife in the back of her head.

Feeling sudden remorse, he calls the police and tells him what he did. When the police arrive and he explains what happened, the officer asks if he shot his best friend as well.

"No" he replies.

"Did you say anything to him?" the officer asked.

"Yes" he replies.

"Well, what did you say to him?" the officer asked.

"Bad Dog!"

2 people have rated this joke:

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	():animal jokes (1719): Gorilla and the Lion

Posted by Candy baby on 13-Aug-2005

Gorilla and the Lion

A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny. One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find. As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn't thrilled with his find but since he had promised himself he would take the first thing he could get, he grabbed the lion and screwed it.

Just as the gorilla finished, the lion awoke and was really pissed. The lion started chasing the gorilla through the zoo and was beginning to gain on him. The gorilla turned a corner and saw a park bench with a newspaper on it. Thinking quickly, the gorilla sat down on the bench and held the newspaper in front of him like he was reading it. When the lion turned the corner he stopped at the park bench. Not knowing what was behind the newspaper he asked the reader if he had seen a gorilla run by.

From behind the paper, the gorilla said, 'You mean the one that screwed the lion?' The lion shook his head and shouted, 'Oh no! It's already in the papers!'

5 people have rated this joke:

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	():animal jokes (1719): The Bad Parrot

Posted by Notum on 14-Aug-2005

The Bad Parrot

Once there was this old man who was lonely. So he went to the
pet store to get a dog. But they were out of dogs and wern't
going to get any more until the next millnium! So the man got a
parrot. But the store owner worrined him. "The first 3 phrases
he hears and likes he will remember."
The man brought the parrot home and some boys were climbing in
the old man's tree. "Get down from there or I'll call the
police." said the old man. The kids said"Baloney, baloney,
baloney." and the parrot repeated it.
The next day the old man tok his parrot rock climbing. Someone's
climbing partner fell into a hole and he yelled "get a rope pull
him up" and the parrot repeated it.
The next day the old man brought the parrot to a carnival. The
parrot heard someone yell, "Hit the black doll and win a prize."
and the parrot repeated it.
The next day was Sunday and the man brought the parrot to
church. The preacher began his preaching. "God lives up there."
"Baloney, baloney, baloney" yelled the parrot. The preacher
looked at him but continued. "The devil lives down there." And
the parrot yelled "Get a rope pull him up." The preacher through
the Bible at the parrot but it hit a nun and the parrot yelled
"Hit a black doll and win a prize."

3 people have rated this joke:

5.33/10