What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?...

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

You can't say this?
What a shame sir!
We'll find you
Another game sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

Stupid Nurse

After I stopped by this company's booth at...

Dear Mr. Rubinsky: Thank you for your [company name] literature order. We are very sorry, but the following items that you have requested are currently on backorder:

        PRODUCT CODE    DESCRIPTION                             EXPECTED ARRIVAL DATE
        T217            Dear Customer Cover Letter              FOUR WEEKS

Your order will be filled at the earliest possible date. In the meantime, your patience in regard to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Please feel free to call our Literature Distribution Center at [800-number]. Our operators will be happy to help you place an order for any additional literature, or refer you to your nearest [company name] sales office to help you with any technical questions regarding our products. If you call to check the status of your order, please reference your order #[number].

Again, thank you for your order, and we hope to be of service to you in the future.

Sincerely,

[empty space here]

[company name] Literature Distribution Center

Curiously, one week earlier I received the literature I had requested -- without a cover letter.

The top 6 reasons computers are female......

The top 6 reasons computers are female...

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

and the number one reason computers are female:

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it!

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender,...

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Phone Number