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| Posted by Madison D. Taylor on 09-Aug-2005 | What kids say'Never trust a dog to watch your food.' - Patrick, aged 10.
'When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer.'- Hannah, aged 9.
'Never tell your mum her diet's not working.' - Michael, aged 14.
'Stay away from prunes.' - Randy, aged 9.
'Don't squat with your spurs on.' - Noronha, aged 13.
'Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.' - Emily, aged 10.
'When your mum is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.' - Taylia, aged 11.
'Never allow your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.' - Traci, aged 14.
'Don't sneeze in front of your mum when you're eating crackers.' - Mitchell, aged 12.
'Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac.' - Andrew, aged 9.
'Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.' - Kyoyo, aged 9.
'You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.' - Armir, aged 9.
'Don't wear polka-dotted underwear under white shorts.' - Kellie, aged 11.
'If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.' - Naomi, aged 15.
'Felt pens are not good to use as lipstick.' - Lauren, aged 9.
'Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.' - Joel, aged 10.
'When you get a bad grade at school, show it to your mum when she's on the phone.' - Alyesha, aged 13.
'Never try to baptise a cat.' - Eileen, aged 8.
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| Posted by chris d. delis on 08-Aug-2005 | Bush FansThere's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy, Little Johnny.
The teacher asks Little Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Little Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Little Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan."
The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan, and Little Johnny says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if your Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot... what would that make you?"
Little Johnny says, "Well, that would make me a Bush fan."
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| Posted by Rosanna h. Young on 09-Aug-2005 | The Lone RangerA teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education with her Grade Two class because she realizes Little Johnny's habit of using sexual innuendo is going to cause some trouble.
Johnny remains attentive throughout the whole class and, finally, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the class.
One little boy raises his hand, 'I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs.'
`Very good, William,' said the teacher.
'My mummy had a baby,' said little Esther.
'Oh, that's nice,' replied the teacher.
Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. 'I was watching TV yesterday and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns.'
The teacher was relieved but puzzled, 'And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?'
'It'll teach those Indians not to f*** with the Lone Ranger.'
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| Posted by slimchance on 09-Aug-2005 | Tooth BrushJohnny's dad walks into the bathroom and sees Johnny scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush.
His dad says, ???What the hell are you doing!???
Johnny says, "There's no way I'm getting a cavity like my sister"
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| Posted by Carol Peanut on 09-Aug-2005 | Spelling & grammarThe teacher decided to give the class a pop quiz on this week's spelling words.
"Now, class, you are to spell the words, then use them in a sentence," explains the teacher.
"The three words are hotel, stigma, and homosexual."
So Little Johnny stands up and says, "OK, Teach, I'll give it a shot. First word, H-O-T-E-L. The president asked Monica to keep their affair under wraps, but Linda Tripp made the ho tel."
Teacher says, "Uh, that's not the correct way to use that word, try another one."
Little Johnny says, "Alright teach, S-T-I-G-M-A. The president said to Monica, "I want you to stig ma cigar in you know what."
Teacher says, "Now, Johnny. You spelled the word right, but didn't use it correctly!"
"OK, teach, how 'bout this? H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L. The president asked Monica not to wear any panties because he thought it made the ho mo sexual!"
Submitted by admin
Edited by yisman
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| Posted by QTKo on 10-Aug-2005 | Little LeroyLittle Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided
that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts.
She said, "Well Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just
go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus
and pray for one instead."
After his temper tantrum, his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down
to write a letter to Jesus.
Dear Jesus,
I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bike.
Your friend,
Leroy
Now Leroy figured that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (brat). So,
he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try.
Dear Jesus,
I've been an OK boy this year and want a new bicycle.
Yours truly,
Leroy
Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again.
Dear Jesus,
I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a new bicycle?
Leroy
Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way was what his
mother really wanted, and he decided to crumple up the letter and throw it in
the trash can as he went running outside. He wandered aimlessly about; depressed
because of the way he treated his parents, really considering his actions. He
finally found himself in a Catholic Church. Leroy went inside and knelt down,
looking around not knowing what he should really do.
Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the
statues. All of a sudden, he grabbed a small one and ran out the door. He went
home hid it under his bed and wrote this letter:
Jesus,
I've broken most of the Ten Commandments; shot spit wads in school, tore up my
sister's Barbie doll and lots more. I'm desperate! I've got your mama and if you
ever want to see her again give me a bike!
You know who
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