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| Posted by Ally1 on 09-Aug-2005 | What's a pussy?Junior, curious about some words he saw on the bathroom wall asked, "Mom, what's a pussy?"
Mom remained calm, showed him a picture of a cat and said, "That's a pussy, son. A pussy is a kitty cat."
"What's a bitch, then?" inquired the precocious little tyke.
Mom got the dictionary out and said, "See, the dictionary says a bitch is a female dog."
Not satisfied, he asked his father what a pussy was. Pops dutifully trotted out a girlie mag from his sock drawer, drew a circle around the genital region and said, "That's a pussy right there, son. And a fine specimen it is, too."
"Well, what's a bitch, then?" asked Junior.
"That's everything outside the circle."
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| Posted by sus lee on 09-Aug-2005 | Cat TrickReady to have some fun?
Read the following cat story slowly and attentively...
This is this cat
This was is cat
This is how cat
This was to cat
This is keep cat
This was a cat
This is idiot cat
This was busy cat
Ok, now read the third word in every line!
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| Posted by chrissy on 09-Aug-2005 | Money For The LadyA little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park.
Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum.
"There you are, dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy!"
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| Posted by lady marmalade on 09-Aug-2005 | Cunning PlanA wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.
Then a new school year began.
The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered.
The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that.
In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age.
Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"Only a quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts!"
"No way, dude. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
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| Posted by David J. Nicholson on 09-Aug-2005 | Dead DogMom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not your fault that the dog died.
He's probably on his way up to heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie, still crying, could not be consoled.
Tears poured out as she said, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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| Posted by Scott T. Zuber on 09-Aug-2005 | Just The TreatmentA young mother was having a consultation with a doctor.
As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing.
Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, "I hope you don't mind my Little Johnny playing in there."
"No, not at all," said the doctor calmly. "Not at all. I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."
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