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| Posted by Nicolas Lee on 09-Aug-2005 | Why Is My Name?A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?" the mother replied "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next child walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" She replied, "Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
The last child walked up to her and said "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY." The mother replied, "Be quiet, Fridge!"
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| Posted by Kristen S on 09-Aug-2005 | Daddy LonglegsA little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a daddy longlegs." her father answered.
"So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied.
"Both of them are daddy longlegs,"
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
"Well, we're not having THAT sort of shit in our garden."
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| Posted by Stephen Schug on 09-Aug-2005 | Peeing In The PoolThe boys decided to go swimming, on a hot day. They went to the public pool.
Soon the lifeguard calls them over. She says, "I've been watching you two, you will have to leave now.
"But why?"
"For peeing in the pool."
"Well, but everyone does that." the boys replied in unison.
"Not from the diving board, they don't!"
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| Posted by Luis H. Praun on 09-Aug-2005 | Time's Up!One day Vito The Gat goes to his 14 year old son and says, "Today is the day that you get your first pistola!"
The boy replies, "But I don't want a gun. I want a golden watch!"
Vito looks strangely at his son and says, "Wadda you want wit a watch?" Before the son can answer that he says, "Picture this, you come home from a job and you find your wife in bed wit your best friend, Mario. What say then?"
The son replies, "Time's up, Mario!"
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| Posted by B B on 09-Aug-2005 | Supermarket BraveryA man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through -- don't be upset. It won't be long."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said softly, "There, there, Monica, don't cry -- only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girls immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother patiently said, "Monica, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother sighed and replied, "Oh, no. I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
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| Posted by Prabesh Neupane on 09-Aug-2005 | Cows Getting ItLittle Johnnie is sitting on the fence, watching a bull with two cows. The preacher walks up, and asks Johnnie what he is doing.
Johnnie replies, "I'm watching that bull fuck the black cow."
The preacher, aghast at the language, tells Johnnie that he should say that the bull is going to SURPRISE the black cow.
Johnnie says, "OK." and the preacher leaves.
The next day, after church, the preacher is shaking hands with all the parishioners as they leave. When Johnnie appears with his parents, the preacher kneels down, smiles, and says, "So, Johnnie, did the bull SURPRISE the black cow?"
Johnnie replies, "He sure did! He fucked the white one!"
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