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():sport jokes (950): Why Sports Scholarship is an Oxymoron |
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| Posted by Stanford on 14-Aug-2005 | Why Sports Scholarship is an Oxymoron"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle" -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes." -- Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker
"You guys line up alphabetically by height" -- Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school." -- Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements
"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to andfrom class" -- George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton." -- Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." -- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece
"The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That's why nobody goes to see the game anymore." -- Yogi Berra
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." -- Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann
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| Posted by Mike Ashworth on 14-Aug-2005 | Expensive CourseFour men are on the golf course one Sunday morning, and as they tee off one of them says that he has a confession to make. "You know, guys, this golfing on Sunday mornings is costing me an arm and a leg. I had to buy my wife a Lexus that is fully loaded in order for me to be able to come golf with you every week."
The second man says, "That's nothing, I had to buy my wife that mansion up on the hill and put it in her name only so that I could come."
The third man says, "I can top that, I had to send my wife and daughter to Paris for two weeks for a shopping spree. I have no idea how much that will cost me."
The fourth man doesn't say anything, so they ask him about it. He says "Ah, it is no big deal for me, I just roll over Sunday morning and say to my wife 'intercourse or golf course'!"
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():sport jokes (950): The Top 12 Hardships for Out-of-Work NBA Players |
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| Posted by S J on 13-Aug-2005 | The Top 12 Hardships for Out-of-Work NBA Players12. Forced to cut back from classy $8000-a-night call girls to skanky $5000-a-night variety.
11. Humiliating to have to ask that photographer you kicked in the groin for a loan.
10. "Choking the coach" now a private affair between the player and himself.
9. All these new summer tattoos and no one to show 'em to.
8. No longer able to afford stretch limo, more prone to injuries during romp in backseat of an AMC Pacer with Madonna.
7. Research for doctoral thesis "29 Hoes in 29 Cities" comes to a grinding halt.
6. Instead of having high quality weed delivered, must venture out to pick up generic brand themselves.
5. Charge account revoked at "Big and Tall Freak of Nature" shop.
4. Trash talking totally ludicrous after sinking ten foot underwear-to-the-hamper shot.
3. Spike Lee is camped out on the front lawn, and you're tired of hearing how you mow the lawn like a wimp.
2. With no early morning practices, getting Toni Braxton to leave can be a real chore.
1. Restricted to fathering illegitimate children in a confined geographical region.
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Herb E. Handcock on 13-Aug-2005 | Football FanTwo boys were playing football in a park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a plank of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar & twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Washington Redskin fan saves friend from vicious animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Redskins fan," the boy replied.
"Baltimore Ravens fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again.
"I'm not a Ravens fan either," the boy said.
"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Packers fan."
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Redneck bastard kills family pet."
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