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| Posted by Justin Hoefner on 14-Aug-2005 | Winter Q and AQ: Why doesn't Santa have any children?
A: Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the
chimney.
Q: Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas
time?
A: Because they were originally made for children but it's the
fathers who want to play with them.
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all the
credit.
Q: How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike?
A: They both have ornamental balls.
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive?"
Olive?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and
call him names..."
Q: What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male
reindeer out on Christmas Eve?
A: They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
Q: What's the difference between snowmen and snow ladies?
A: Snowballs.
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| Posted by catherine chsksi on 09-Aug-2005 | Question and answer Christmas jokesIt was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened", countered the prisoner.
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| Posted by Gabrielle Delaney on 11-Aug-2005 | Things That Sound Dirty* "Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
* "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
* "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
* "Talk about a huge breast!"
* "It's Cool Whip time!"
* "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
* "Are you ready for seconds yet?"
* "Are you going to come again next Year?"
* "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
* "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
* "Don't play with your meat."
* "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
* "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
* "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
* "You still have a little bit on your chin."
* "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
* "How long will it take after you stick it in?"
* "You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
* "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
* "How many are coming?"
* "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
* "Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."
* "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"
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| Posted by Vince Carter!!! on 14-Aug-2005 | The Night Before ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas, and less I could care,
Just playing with Pepi and getting nowhere,
My hair stood on end, my feet hit the mat,
one hell of a racket, my god! what was that!
Shingles from the roof came tumbling down,
and as I looked out they were all on the ground,
I made a dive for the parlour my pants in my hands,
How much of this bullshit can one person stand,
Just as I thought twas our jolly old friend,
down the chimney he came, ass over end,
That's who it was I could tell by his dress,
All covered with deer shit, a hell of a mess,
He came limping out in a pile of soot,
bitching cause Prancer had stepped on his foot,
By his grunts and his groans his heaves and his sighs,
I knew right away he was pissed to the eyes,
He upset the tree fell over a chair,
and did nothing but bitch all the time he was there,
"All these damn kids will drive me berserk,
you have all the fun, I have all the work,"
His junk was all broken and spread on the floor,
and I saw when he turned that his britches were tore,
Exposed to the cold his ass was all blue,
he screamed, " I'll be glad when this damn night is through"
He dug and he scratched, the seven years itch,
He gave it to me the son of a bitch,
I guess all his capers finally went to my head,
I grabbed the old bastard and must have seen red,
I kicked his fat ass right out of the room,
If he ever comes back it'll still be too soon,
I heard him exclaim 'ere he drew out of site,
"Piss on you all, what a hell of a night."
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| Posted by Sarah Magruder on 09-Aug-2005 | Season's Greetings...
Season's Greetings
Money's Short
Times are Hard
Here's your Fucking
Christmas Card
Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
even the mouse
mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass
when out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
to see what's the matter
then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be Saint Nick
He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
the old fucker fell
he filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer
he rose up the chimney
with a thuderous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart
he swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
piss on you all
and have a good night
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted by Kristof P. Grina on 14-Aug-2005 | Bicycle Safety Violation TicketOn Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic
light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop
says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that
to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year
tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety
violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides
off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did
Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah,
he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put
the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
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