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| Posted by Daniel Chapman on 09-Aug-2005 | WithdrawalA fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said.
"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A little girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by barry K. tanishi on 09-Aug-2005 | Cow wreckA farmer is helping a cow give birth when he notices his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, witnessing the entire thing.
???Dammit,??? the man says to himself. ???Now I??™m going to have to explain the birds and the bees.??? Not wanting to jump the gun, the man decides to wait and see if his son asks any questions.
After everything is finished, the man walks over to the boy and asks, ???Well, son, do you have any questions????
???Just one,??? the child says. ???How fast was that calf going when it hit that cow????
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Chris J. Coyle on 09-Aug-2005 | Father vs sonLittle Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games.
In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was the President of the United States."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by robert battle on 09-Aug-2005 | Football gameLittle Johnny took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, Little Johnny asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' Hel-LLLO...it's only 25 cents! I hate to think what they'd do if it was a whole DOLLAR?"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by Mathman2 on 09-Aug-2005 | Say Your PrayersOne night, a father overheard his son saying his prayers, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
The father thought this was strange, but soon forgot about it.
The next day, the Grandfather died.
About a month or so later, the father again overheard his son's prayers, "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day, the Grandmother died.
The father began to worry about the situation.
Two weeks later, the father again heard his son praying, "God bless Mommy. Goodbye Daddy."
This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack.
The next morning, without saying anything, he got up early and went to work.
He stayed in his office all day. Finally, after midnight, he went home.
He was still alive!
He crawled into bed with his wife and apologized, "I'm sorry honey, I had a really bad day."
"You had a bad day?" his wife yelled. "The mailman dropped dead on the porch this morning!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Mike smith on 09-Aug-2005 | Rubbing for a wishA few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning.
When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning,
"Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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