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| Posted by Jeremy Mrotek on 13-Aug-2005 | Woman wearing nylons.How can you tell when a woman is wearing nylons? Her ankles puff up when she farts!
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| Posted by Vegitto on 14-Aug-2005 | Not My Drink!There's this guy on a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays
like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck
driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just
drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man,
I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just
can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I
fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous,
fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it
was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing. I get a
cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my
wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.
I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the
gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And when I was
thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink
my poison..."
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| Posted by chris on 09-Aug-2005 | Ladies ToiletA rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replies.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the barman, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
???Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' toilet.'
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| Posted by KharmaQueen on 09-Aug-2005 | Bar pickupWhile nursing a drink at a bar, a young woman was distressed to see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her.
"Say, honey-baby ... I'd really like t'get into those pants o'yours."
"Thanks," she shot back, "but I've already got an asshole in there."
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| Posted by Marie-Eve Gagne on 09-Aug-2005 | Gay barThis man walks into a Gay Bar not knowing it's a gay bar and sits down at a table some gay guy walks up to him and says "Wanna play football"
The man says okay and thay go behind the bar the gay guy says "alright a burp is a touch down and a fart is a field goal.
So the man says I'm goin' for the feild goal and the gay guy gets a small grin on his face, the man bends over and is about to fart and the gay guy butt f***s him the man goes what the hell why you do that.
The gay guy says I was trying to block your field goal.
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| Posted by Chris S. Porter on 09-Aug-2005 | The Salvation ArmyA drunk went into a telephone booth and dialled at random..
"Salvation Army" came the answer.
"What do you do?"
asked the man.
"We save wicked men and women," came the reply.
"Well, save me a wicked woman for Saturday night."
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