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| Posted by Meggi-Poo on 09-Aug-2005 | Women DriverA woman and a man are involved in a car accident.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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| Posted by J S. M on 09-Aug-2005 | You Know You're1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your potted plants stay alive. 3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd. 4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 5. You have to pay your own credit card bill. 6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal. 7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year. 8. 8:00a.m. is not early. 9. You have to file for your own taxes. 10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. 11. You're not carded anymore. 12. You carry an umbrella. 13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass. 14.
"Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15.
"Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married. 16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up. 17. You start watching the weather channel. 18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe. 19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack. 20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. 21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run. 22. You go to parties that the police don't raid. 23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you. 24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore. 25. Your car insurance goes down. 26. You refer to college students as kids. 27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.
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| Posted by SARA N. DUCEY on 09-Aug-2005 | USS LincolnTranscript of the actual radio conversation, of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.
Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you must divert your course.
Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of these ships.
Canadians: This is the Newfoundland lighthouse. Your call!
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| Posted by Candy baby on 09-Aug-2005 | Curious GeorgeWhat did the man in the big yellow hat have to do every day when Curious George broke a glass or a plate?
Spank his monkey.
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| Posted by NeRo S. Smith on 09-Aug-2005 | New York State of MiDo you know why New Yorkers are always so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
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| Posted by Samantha Prahl on 09-Aug-2005 | Door-to-Door Sales CAn enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, ''Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it.''
She turns to him with a smirk and says, ''You want ketchup on that?''
The salesman says, ''Why do you ask?''
She says, ''We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet.''
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