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| Posted by leXa on 12-Aug-2005 | Words of wisdomAll those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met OK, so what's the speed of dark? How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. I intend to live forever - so far, so good Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
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| Posted by Sara Bernabeo on 12-Aug-2005 | Stevie Wonder's WifeQ. Have u ever saw Stevie Wonders wife?
A. No
PUNCHLINE: Neither has he.
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| Posted by Jean-Marc G on 12-Aug-2005 | JoggersA nude jogger was running past two old women.
One had a stroke, the other missed!
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| Posted by Faz on 12-Aug-2005 | ReliefHow do you spell relief?
Answer: F A R T
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| Posted by DODGY DUDE on 12-Aug-2005 | Coconut & hurricane-What did the hurricane say to the coconut?
-Hold on to your nuts, it's going to be a hell of a blow job!
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| Posted by Stefanie D. Fischer on 12-Aug-2005 | The Old Lady & the CashierA little old lady went to the grocery store & put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, "Nothing but the best for my little kitten on Christmas."
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, & the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat & brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.
The next day, the old lady went to the store & bought 12 of the most expensive dog cookies - one for each day of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat dog food.
Frustrated, she went home, came back & brought in her dog. She was then given the dog cookies.
The next day, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No - you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would bite her.
So, the cashier put her finger into the box & pulled it out & told the little old lady, "That smells like crap." The little old lady grinned from ear to ear, "Now, my dear, can I please buy 3 rolls of toilet paper?"
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