|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Michael D. Marchand on 13-Aug-2005 | Yo Family's so...Yo Mama So Fat....
...she fell in love and she broke it
...she jumped on a scale and it said "to be continued"
...she jumped on a scale and it said "one at a time please"
...she jumped on a dollar and got four quarters
...she's got her own area code
...her measurements are 36-24-36, and her other arm is just as big
...when God said let there be light, he told her to move her ass over
...she smokes a turkey after sex
Yo Mama's so old...
...she was in Jesus's yearbook
...when God said let there be light, she flipped the switch
...her driver's license number is one
Yo Family's So Poor...
...your house has a kickstand
...you have to go home and take off your clothes so your father has pants to go to work
Yo Dad's So Bald...
...he reaches into his pants just to run his fingers through his hair
Yo House is so Nasty...
...the roaches wear shoes
...you wipe your feet before going out
Yo Mama's So Stupid...
...she thought a quarterback is a refund
...I gave a penny for her thoughts and got change back
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Cher_94 on 09-Aug-2005 | Fun to do during an examYou should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by bruny on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Mafia Valentine's Day Greetings15. My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement.
14. I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
13. Lie down with me -- it's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
12. I picked up this card from a slim selection But that's all they offer here in witness protection. Love, J. Doe
11. I've waited so long for you to be mine. Now that Sinatra's dead, be *my* Valentine.
10. Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
9. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass; So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.
8. Violets are blue, roses are red, I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?
7. The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!
6. Hey.
5. Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
4. Lust is fleeting, true love lingers. Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.
3. Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.
2. Valentine, Dear, lend me a hand So I won't be a self-made man.
1. When a goon makes you die, Cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com]
|
1 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by HoneyHunny on 13-Aug-2005 | LiberaceHow many pianos did Liberace have?
No one knows. We just know he had organs up the ass.
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Eminem Isgod on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Punchlines Without Jokes15. ...and Ms. Reno says, "Yeah, and it's DEEP, too!"
14. ...and the film will star Tom Arnold, Pauley Shore, and Quentin Tarantino.
13. "If word gets out, EVERYONE will want an extra pancreas."
12. ...and her husband says, "But they're twins -- if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
11. ...and she says, "So that's what Tiger means by 'getting up and down in two'."
10. ...so Steve Buscemi says, "How much Bosco can you drink, anyway?!"
9. "So's mine, lady -- must be the salt water!"
8. "So the talking duck turns to the guy and says, 'You wanna hear my impression of De Niro?'"
7. ...then the doctor says, "Ok, now it's my turn to cough".
6. Freud -- Because he'd get so excited by the donut that he'd never miss his wallet!
5. "If you can say you're a Kennedy, I can say I'm 18."
4. "Well if I'd known I had a squid in my underwear, I would have ordered the rice pilaf."
3. ...then the second trapper cried, "Sacre bleu! I deed not know she was ze prime ministaire's daughtaire!"
2. The third cowboy remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with HIS.
1. ...then Cathy Lee says, "What do you mean there's no such thing as Tuesday Night Football?!"
|
4 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Other Grave Mistakes Martha Stewart Has Made |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Caleb J. Pering on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Other Grave Mistakes Martha Stewart Has Made15> Put out a plate of Girl Scout cookies at her 11th birthday party, then told everyone she'd spent all morning baking.
14> Failed to have her people whack Cybill Shepherd before she could star in that terrible NBC biopic.
13> Dressed a 7-Eleven hot dog with Grey Poupon and mango salsa.
12> Didn't use the melon baller on her weaselly little stockbroker when she had the chance.
11> Tarragon in bouillabaisse? ARE YOU *MAD*, WOMAN?!?
10> On one occasion, in a momentary lapse, allowed her cold stare to rise to above 32 degrees.
9> Dedicated an entire show to sphincter-tightening exercises.
8> The Danvers Opening was expected, but then attempting to transform it into a Gunderam Attack was just suicide!
7> Sent a congratulatory case of champagne to Sammy Sosa when he hit his 500th home run.
6> Once disciplined staff with a white garotte after Labor Day.
5> Forgot that it's red wine with illegal stock trading, white wine with accounting fraud.
4> Giant floral centerpiece on her dining room table is made entirely of old, unpaid parking citations.
3> Accidentally voted for Buchanan in '00.
2> Spent many wasted years pining away for Richard Chamberlain.
1> Wore a camouflage dress to her high school prom.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
