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| Posted by mat henderson on 08-Aug-2005 | YO MAMA
YO MAMA IS SO STUPID THAT
SHE ROLLED DOWN A BARBIES
CANYON!
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| Posted by HOLY SH**!!! on 11-Aug-2005 | Two Drinking BuddiesOne day two drinking buddies Jim and David were working on aircraft at JFK airport in NYC. They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored. Jim spoke up ???Man I really need a drink!??? in response David replied, ???You know I heard a rumor you could drink jet fuel and get drunk.??? ???Really???? said Jim ???That??™s what I heard man. Do you wanna try it???? Said David ???Sure, hell I??™ll try anything once!??? Said Jim. SO with that they poured themselves a couple of glasses and began drinking the jet fuel. They sipped a little bit to find it actually tasted quiet good. so they drank more and more and sure enough they got stoned drunk. The next morning Jim awoke feeling like a million bucks he jumped up wet to the bathroom feeling great like he was floating on air he hadn??™t felt this good in years. ???Wow!!??? He said. About that time his telephone rang. ???Hello???? Jim Said ???Hello Jim? Came the reply ???This is David man. How are you feeling this morning???? Jim said ???Man I feel great no hang over not sick man I feel like a million bucks. How about you???? David replied??? Me too man, but I have one question for you.??? Jim said, ???Sure man what is it??? ???Have you farted yet man???? Jim said ???Ummmmm No. Why???? ???Man don??™t. I??™m in Phoenix!???
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| Posted by Countess E. Bathori on 11-Aug-2005 | The College Food ChainTHE DEAN
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God
THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Talks with God
PROFESSOR
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is honored
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Treads water
Talks to animals
INSTRUCTOR
Climbs walls continually
Rides the rails
Plays russian roulette
Walks on thin ice
Prays a lot
GRADUATE STUDENT
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls
UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself
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| Posted by mike urbanski on 11-Aug-2005 | The FrogA boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess,
I will stay with you for one week."
The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
Princess, I'll stay with you and do *anything* you want."
Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess,
that I'll stay with you for a week and do *anything* you want. Why won't
you kiss me?"
The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for
girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."
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| Posted by KaBoOm on 11-Aug-2005 | Wacko JackoWhat's the difference between a polythene bag and Michael Jackson?
A: One is made of plastic and dangerous to
children,the other is used to carry your
shopping home!
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| Posted by greenmachine on 11-Aug-2005 | Little JohnyOne day little johnny was sitting in his house when the door knocked
he ran to open it with a bottle whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other
thae sales person at the door said is your parents home
little johnny said [what the @#$% you think}
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