|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Alli E. Suriani on 11-Aug-2005 | You Killed the Easter Bunny!A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around and waved again. Then he hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in Heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said, "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Douglas D. Badong on 09-Aug-2005 | Top 16 Passover Pickup Lines...
Top 16 Passover Pickup Lines
16. Let's play 'bury the shank bone'.
15. Gefilte fish jelly makes great lubrication.
14. I hear that horseradish is an aphrodisiac.
13. Have you ever done it on a seder plate?
12. Maybe when Elijah comes, we can make it a threesome.
11. Let's make this night really different from all others nights.
10. Want to wander through my desert?
9. Nice Hagadah!!!
8. What's a girl like you doing at a seder like this?
7. Rabeinu, Moshe Rabeinu. OO7!
6. Would you like to play with my matzah balls?
5. Can I part your Red Sea?
4. There's no law against leavened _______!!!
3. I've got a Ramses in my pockets that wants to put you back into slavery!
2. May I climb your Mt. Sinai's?
AND THE NUMBER ONE PASSOVER PICKUP LINE....
1. Wanna look for MY afeikomen?
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():holiday jokes (333): Top ten way *I'm* spending this valentine's... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Globegirl Yeates on 09-Aug-2005 | Top ten way *I'm* spending this valentine's...
Top ten way *I'm* spending this valentine's day.
10. Watching "Fatal Attraction" over and over to remind me what I'm not
missing.
9. Trying to decide how much to pay for sex ... $20, $50, $200, the rest of
my life?
8. Wondering if the Asian mail order woman company really has a money-back
guarantee.
7. Calling all the women I've gone out with in the last year, and asking them
if they enjoyed my wedding presents.
6. Renting the Jocelyn Elders workout video.
5. Waiting until tomorrow when I can buy all the really cheap chocolate, then
eating like a pig.
4. Taking my significant other, Candy, to be patched at the local bicycle
repair shop.
3. Compaigning for a law banning the following phrases:
Can't we just be friends?
I think of you as a brother. (sister)
I mean *sleep* together.
You'd like him -- he's a lot like you.
My boyfriend (girlfriend) and i got back together.
Sure, I'll go out with you.. but only casually
(at first this seems innocent until you realize it
means "You buy me food, movies, and
parking, and in the end, I'll break your heart")
You're the only one for me. (when said by a man)
You can trust me. (ditto)
Someday, it'll happen to you (when said by anyone
married).
2. Going cherub hunting with some anti-tank missiles.
....and the #1 way I'm spending valentine's:
1. Ignoring everyone, being surly, anti-social and just generally bitter
about not owning stock in Hallmark.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():holiday jokes (333): TOP TEN SIGNS NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR VALENTINE... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Sexbabe on 09-Aug-2005 | TOP TEN SIGNS NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR VALENTINE...
TOP TEN SIGNS NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR VALENTINE
10. You ain't a Gingrich, but your nickname's "Newt"
9. The last time you got laid was during the Eisenhower Administration
8. You spend your vacation chasin' lizards
7. You get a heart-filled box filled with angry hornets
6. The babes just don't seem to go for your homemade Star Trek uniform
5. You have one of them handsome Ito beards -- and you're a woman
4. Fox is starting a new show about you: "America's Least Wanted"
3. You're taking private tutorials with Joycelyn Elders
2. Phone sex operators keep hanging up on you
1. The Pope asks you for tips on celibacy
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
():holiday jokes (333): Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by ~rAcHel~ on 09-Aug-2005 | Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects...
Singing Tree Tattles On Burglar Suspects
BATON ROUGE, La. (Reuters) - A singing Christmas tree tattled on two teenage
burglary suspects in Louisiana, leaving the boys with backsides full of
buckshot rather than handfuls of loot, police said Tuesday.
Businessman Leon Wilson, Sr., 59, had been robbed twice last week, so he
started sleeping in his store Friday night and set up a makeshift burglar
alarm -- a motion-activated toy Christmas tree his wife had perched near the
store's cash register. Wilson said the toy annoyed him everytime someone
walked by.
When motion is detected, the tree's eyes pop open, its mouth moves and it
calls out "Merry Christmas, Everybody!" before singing "Jingle Bells." Wilson
set up the toy near the door and stretched out on a couch in the back.
Early Monday morning, the singing Christmas tree went off and he spotted two
burglars near the cash register, armed with a crowbar they allegedly used to
pry open the door, Wilson said.
"They spotted me and bolted for the door and I started shooting, aiming low
cause I didn't want to kill them," he said. "I don't think the Lord would have
blessed me for that. But now, maybe, burglars won't come back here."
Baton Rouge police said the two 16-year-old suspects, one with buckshot in
his buttocks and the other with a minor leg wound, were arrested on burglary
charges and released to their parents.
Police did not identify the boys because they are juveniles.
Police said no charges were filed against Wilson, although the case will be
forwarded to the district attorney for review.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
