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| Posted by L H. D on 12-Aug-2005 | You know you are a teacher if...You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
You find humor in other people's stupidity.
You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.
When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
You have no life between August to June.
When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.
You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak.
You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job.
You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
You want to choke a person when he or she says "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you."
Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"
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| Posted by Warlock Z on 09-Aug-2005 | The homework scheduleHere is an explanation of the school homework policy for the average student. Students should not spend more than ninety minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner if the student desires to achieve moderate to good grades in his/her classes.
15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
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| Posted by Paddy O. Furniture on 11-Aug-2005 | The Professor's NeedsA female student shows up during a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door and kneels at his feet, pleading...
"I would do anything to pass the exam".
She leans closer to him, flipping back her hair, gazing meaningfully into his eyes and sensuously whispers "I mean..., I would do.... anything!!!".
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Oh yes" she said, "anything!"
He stared into her eyes, and in a whisper said "Would you..... Study?"
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():school humor (1428): 25 Differences Between College And High School |
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| Posted by Nick Myster on 11-Aug-2005 | 25 Differences Between College And High School25 Differences Between College And High School
In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, on both.
In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
In college, there are no tardy slips.
In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.
In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't heard of it.)
In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose. That is, as long as the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration. In college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.
In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.
In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning," you write it down.
In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.
In college, weekends start on Thursday.
In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.
Once you've obtained the information described in #16, it's much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into him/her."
In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.
In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.
College men are cuter than high school boys (or college woman are developed).
College women are legal.
In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't need a note from your parents saying you were skip....uh, sick that day.
In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
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| Posted by Nick G. on 11-Aug-2005 | Joke Written By and For RetardsTwo guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
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