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| Posted by Mikah B. Horn on 09-Aug-2005 | Zipper AlertA young woman in a REALLY skimpy skirt was at the bus stop. When the bus arrived and the doors opened she tried to climb the steps. However, her skirt was too tight and her legs couldn't move. So, she reached behind her and undid her zipper.
She tried to step up again, and still couldn't, so she reached behind again and played with the zipper.
She tried to climb the steps again...still no luck. So, as she reached behind again, a pair of strong hands picked her up and placed her on the top step.
"What do you think you're doing?", she asked the guy behind her.
"Well, I figured the second time you undid my fly we were at least good friends!"
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| Posted by Smart Fool on 09-Aug-2005 | Dead PoliticiansA busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
After seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
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| Posted by hello there on 09-Aug-2005 | Being A Truck DriverThe Boy Who Wanted to Be a Truck Driver
One day, a little boy goes into the candy shop and orders five pounds of "m-n-m's",.
The lady at the counter asked him "Don't you mean five bags?"
He said "No, i want five pounds."
She was reluctant, but measured them out, put them in a bag and handed them to the little boy. He paid for them, and went outside and sat on the curb.
He ate a few m-n-m's, and a cat walks by.
He picks up the cat and takes a big bite out of it.
He moves a little further down the curb, and does it all over again.
After the little boy did this about 15-20 times, the lady in the candy store starts to wonder.
She goes outside and asks the little boy "What in the hell are you doing?"
The little boy gives her this answer "I am learning how to be a truck driver like my daddy. I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and moving' down the line."
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| Posted by Shabauddin S. Ahmed on 09-Aug-2005 | Gator CountryWhile sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
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| Posted by al -. harvey on 09-Aug-2005 | Biggest Hotel BillA husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
"The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for kissing my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
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| Posted by Alexqd on 09-Aug-2005 | The Fastest CamelA man had traveled into town after several weeks in the desert with his trusty camel. The camel had been his sole companion for years but eventually, time had slowed the poor beast down.
The man was considering getting a new camel when he saw a sign outside of a store advertising the following:
WE MAKE YOUR CAMELS TRAVEL FASTER. GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!
The man looks at his camel and decides to give it a shot. He goes in the store with his camel and the vendor asks him," What can I do for you?".
"Well, sir," the man replies, " I noticed your sign and I'm interested in your help. You see my camel's been slowing down a bit and I don't really want to trade him in for a new one."
The vendor says, "That won't be necessary here. We make your camels run faster. It's guaranteed."
"O.K. Let's do it."
The vendor says," Please pull your camel over this way onto the platform."
While the man is steadying his camel onto the platform, the vendor disappears into another room and returns with two large bricks.
"Stand back," he cautions the traveler.
The vendor goes behind the camel with bricks in hand, and smashes the camel's balls.
The camel runs out of the place like a bat out of hell.
"Wow!," said the man,"That's the fastest I've seen him run in years! But how am I going to reach him now?"
The vendor says with a smile,"Please step onto the platform, sir."
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